its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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