My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
