i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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