worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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