Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize