My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
