so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
