We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
