By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
