We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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