Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
