I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize