I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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