highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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