I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pants are for mortals
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
