If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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