wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
