Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
