I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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