if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize