Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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