i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
