paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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