so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
