Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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