that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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