you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
