fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
