I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
