You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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