u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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