do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
