i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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