you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
