Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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