I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
