I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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