good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my vagina is haunted
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
