Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
