Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize