Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
false alarm, still single
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize