I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
