"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
