Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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