is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
