I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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