shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
