just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
