? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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