From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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