I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
