Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
