I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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