I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
