Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
