is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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