i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
