Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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