In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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