I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
