maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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