She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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