Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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