we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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