i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
