i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
how does that bad decision feel?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
