Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
