How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
