Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
