After last night, I could never be a politician.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
