highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
