i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
