umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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