Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
