fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
