mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
