dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
