when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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