wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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